The Only Version of Us: Why It Is Important to Accept Ourselves in the Present

One of my friends, who evacuated with her children to Germany during the first month of the war, shared her experience with me. In a Ukrainian help center, a local psychologist remarked, 'It’s hard for you because you are essentially changing into a new version of yourself!'

These words left her feeling perplexed. The phrase 'new version of yourself' seemed to imply that there was an 'old version' of her that was somehow flawed. 'Now we will delete everything unnecessary, upload everything essential, and there will be a new version. A new firmware. It’s that simple. But in reality, it’s not simple at all for me. Moreover, I love my old version,' she added sadly.

These sentiments reflect a profound understanding that there is, in fact, only one version of ourselves—the one that exists in the present moment. Our well-being, emotional state, and happiness are what truly matter. This 'version' is the result and continuation of our past, our so-called 'old version,' and it holds immense value.

There is no 'old' and 'new' version. There is only one— the one that is living right now. It is this version that feels, copes, tires, holds on, and seeks meaning. And this version is what is important. But where did this idea of 'updating oneself' come from?

This concept originates from the self-help culture that has been actively developing in the United States since the 1970s. Its main promise sounds very appealing: 'You can become a completely different person.' Upgrade. New version. New life. Why is this idea so attractive? Because we think in stories. In psychology, this is referred to as the 'narrative self': we perceive our lives as a plot. And 'becoming a better version of yourself' is an ideal plot twist, almost like magic.

In this context, the 'old me' is seen as a mistake that needs to be corrected. A conflict arises: 'the me now' is inadequate, 'the future me' is correct. 'I will be worthy when I change.' This creates a constant feeling of 'I am not enough.' We want to believe that life is a straight line upward: it was bad—then it got better—and from there, only better things follow. But life does not work that way. Life is about ups and downs, setbacks, new attempts, crises, and so on.

We are not versions; we are a continuum. That is why I am not fond of the idea of 'versions.' It is about the result, while life is about the process. We do not 'upgrade'—we move, change, and expand. Therefore, it is crucial to recognize our small steps, not to undervalue what we have already gone through, and to support ourselves in the process. Because happiness is not found after transformation. It exists within it.

There is only one version of us—the one that lives right now. In these circumstances. With this experience. With this story. And it does not matter whether we are in Ukraine or abroad, whether we are safe or anxious, whether we are building a new life or trying to hold onto the old one. This version of you deserves happiness.

Not 'after.' Not 'when.' But now.

This text is published with the author's permission.