Self-Reliance: How to Develop This Important Skill

Self-reliance is not merely a phrase but an essential skill that can profoundly influence the quality of our lives. Many people often conflate this concept with self-sufficiency, mistakenly believing it means doing everything independently without any assistance. However, true self-reliance is rooted in an inner core, the ability to make decisions, calm oneself, and take action even when the circumstances around us are unfavorable.

Let’s explore how self-reliance manifests in various aspects of life. Firstly, emotional regulation is a key component. In a situation where you have had a disagreement with your partner, lacking self-reliance may lead you to feel panic and helplessness until you receive external support. Your mood becomes dependent on the actions of others. However, if you possess self-reliance, you can acknowledge your feelings—pain, anger, or resentment—and tell yourself, 'I am safe right now. I have the right to these feelings, but they will not destroy me.' You can find ways to calm yourself, such as having a cup of tea or doing a breathing exercise, before deciding on your next steps.

The second aspect is decision-making. Without self-reliance, you may hesitate for a long time, waiting for the opinions of authoritative figures. For instance, if you want to change jobs, you might seek the opinions of friends and family, only to remain in uncertainty. In contrast, with self-reliance, you gather facts, analyze your desires, and make decisions independently. If your choice turns out to be wrong, you know you can handle the consequences.

The third aspect involves attitudes toward mistakes and criticism. Without self-reliance, criticism can ruin your evening, leading you to ruminate on negative thoughts about yourself. However, with an internal support system, you can separate the fact of a mistake from your emotions. You understand that a mistake does not define your worth as a person. You can acknowledge your error and seek ways to correct it without self-destruction.

The fourth point concerns financial independence. Without self-reliance, you may live paycheck to paycheck, hoping for a 'windfall.' However, having a financial cushion is a tangible manifestation of your self-reliance. You know that, regardless of the circumstances, you have the resources to find a way out of a situation without jeopardizing others.

The fifth aspect relates to relationships. Without self-reliance, you may endure an unsuitable partner out of fear of loneliness. But with self-reliance, you choose relationships out of desire rather than fear. You can enjoy your own company, you are not bored, and you know how to keep yourself occupied. If a relationship drains you, you can find the strength to leave, knowing that your well-being does not depend on someone else's presence.

The sixth aspect involves everyday and emergency situations. Without self-reliance, you might panic when your washing machine breaks down, waiting for someone else to come and solve the problem. In contrast, with self-reliance, you seek solutions independently, studying the manual or looking for a repairman.

A person with self-reliance has an internal dialogue that sounds like this: 'I will tackle problems as they arise,' 'I do not have to please everyone,' 'I am responsible for my life, but not for the feelings of others.' It is important to note that self-reliance does not exclude asking for help. Healthy self-reliance allows you to ask for assistance without feeling diminished. You can delegate tasks calmly, knowing that if necessary, you will find another option.

Self-reliance is a skill that can be developed. It all starts with small things: plan your weekend, soothe yourself during stress, and solve minor problems independently. With each instance, your inner support becomes stronger.

This text was published with the author's permission.

Tags: Psychology, Psychologist Advice, Self-Development